My Point of View

*This is really long and kind of a journal post so I can remember the first few days. There is kind of a lot of detail, so you don't have to read if you don't want to :)*

I thought I would share the story from my point of view to start out and then keep on going with the updates. Tuesday night I was watching TV with Jackson and Alex when I got the call from my mom. I immediately knew something was wrong because my mom was crying. All she said was, "Samantha was in an accident." I wasn't even sure if she was alive for a few moments until my mom was able to compose herself enough to say she was alive. At this point we had no idea what had happened or what type of injuries she had sustained. My mom had called Sam's phone and one of the other girls answered. My mom heard Sam in the background saying, "I can't feel my legs! Am I paralyzed?" I was so freaked out. I wanted to immediately leave for Nephi, but I decided to wait to see what was going on. 

About an hour later I got a call from my mom saying that they were life flighting Sam to Utah Valley. At this point things didn't sound too bad. I talked to Jordan on the phone and then tried to go to sleep. I was so anxious, but I was able to sleep for about an hour. Then, Jordan texted me and said to call him right away. I called Jordan and he was sobbing. The neurosurgeon had just told my family that Samantha would probably never walk again. I was so heartbroken. I cried and cried. I couldn't breathe and my heart was racing. I kept trying to sleep, but I just could not. My heart literally hurt and I was just so terrified for my little sister. That was definitely the worst night of my life.

Finally the night ended and I quickly got ready to go to Provo. I was in charge of a baby shower that night and I felt so bad about not having everything ready. I got as much ready as I could and then headed to Utah Valley. I cried for a lot of the drive. I would be okay for a second and then it would hit me again full force. I don't think I have ever prayed harder. I tried to compose myself as I walked to the Surgery waiting room. But, when I saw my mom I lost it. I was so scared and sad and anxious. Sam was about half way through surgery when I arrived. Two nurses came to show us what had been done so far. I went with my dad to see the x-rays. She had fractured C6 and C7, two vertebrae in her neck. They surgeon fused together C5, 6, and 7. After talking to the nurses I took my boys to Jordan and Cindy's apartment. Cindy was so amazing and watched my boys all day so I could be at the hospital. I appreciated it so much. 

When I got back to the hospital the surgeon was talking to my family. He said that while the surgery went well things did not look good. He said that the only function she currently had was bicep flexion and wrist flexion. We were devastated. Waiting to see her was one of the hardest times ever. It made me physically ill to think of Sam being unable to walk or use her hands. Many, many tears were shed. My sweet cousin Heather sat by me and rubbed my back and cried with me. 

Finally Sam came back from surgery. I did not want to be a mess when I saw her and I physically had to force myself not to cry. It was so good to see her. She was pretty exhausted, but so kind and sweet. She had many visitors throughout the day. She was kind and welcoming to each one. I was amazed at how she could be so positive and upbeat, considering what she had just been through. That night I stayed over with Sam in the hospital. I loved just being able to sit with her-I was just so thankful she was alive.I told her how amazed I was with her. I said, "You could be so grumpy and mean to everyone and you are not. You are so nice!" I asked her if she felt grumpy and she said, "Just a little." She amazes me. The nurse was fabulous and took great care of her. Every two hours they would reposition her and do a neuro check. I think I cried every time they touched her legs and she said she couldn't feel it. It was a hard night, but Sam was able to sleep pretty well. 

The next morning I stayed until around 10 and then went to take a short nap. After I napped I got to spend more time with her. I had been such a mess the previous day and I really wanted to be strong for my family and for Sam. I prayed and prayed that I could keep myself more composed. I have never felt prayers so strongly as I did this day. I felt such peace. My prayers were most definitely answered. We had so many friends and family visit this day. It was so wonderful to feel their love and support and to be able to hug them and cry with them. That night I had to go home because I had work the next two days.

Going to work was so hard. I missed Sam and hated not being nearby for immediate updates. But, I love my  job and coworkers and it was nice to be distracted a little bit. Friday night Sam had a rough night. I called my Aunt Connie to check on Sam and was able to talk to the nurse. Sam's oxygen saturation had dropped to the 70s and they had to put her on bipap. The bipap helps her breathe and helps her get oxygen to all parts of her lung. After she was on this she was able to sleep comfortably again. It was hard being away when she was having a hard time.Thankfully, I had confidence in her great nurse (it was the same as the night before when I was there) to give her good care. 

I worked Friday and Saturday night and then went to sacrament meeting. I was able to talk to my friend Tracy, my friend Amber, and a couple of my amazing young women. They were so comforting and let me just get it all out. Then, I took a nap and then headed back to Provo to spend time with Sam.

Seeing Sam after two days was fantastic! She looked so good! She was able to stay awake and have an actual conversation. First it was Sam, my dad, Maddie, and me in the room. She was just her normal self-laughing, being sarcastic, and making fun of my dad. It felt so good to see her in such good spirits. After a while Jordan and Cindy joined the party. It really was so wonderful. I loved seeing her be so positive and in less pain. It was definitely a good night.

That pretty much catches you up to right now!